27.07.2009 Monday 11:32 am
Our baby girl has been with us for a full week and approx 14hrs now. I am not articulate enough to express what an amazing feeling it is to hold my own baby in my arms. Things that I worried and thought important in the past have been somewhat meaningless compared to this little one’s life that was made by half of me and half of matt. I could not have agreed more with mums about this special feeling that you go to hospital as a couple and come back as a family.

Last week has been tough but manageable thanks to matthew's support. I can not imagine women going through this dramatic experience without their men's support and love. To me without him I don't think I would have come out as one piece and write a blog like now.

Every woman who went through labour has something to tell just like men who went to army or a war. Their stories are almost like listening to the story of medieval knights going through series of perils to get the Holy Grail. Believe or not, what hesitated me the most about having a baby was facing the fear/pain of labour. I was putting that thought off as long as possible when the waters broke 3 weeks earlier. The next thing I know was that I had to go into labour within 24hrs one way or another. Oh **it! At this point my bookmark in the pregnancy guide book remained in the first page in labour chapter and there were 2 more weeks left to work in the company.


18.07.2009 8:30am
I thought to myself that my bladder has been weak but never been this bad. I should have been doing pelvic muscle exercises and etc etc…. After 30 minutes inconvenience in the bathroom I was nervous to find out if my suspicion of this incident is correct
For some reason I always thought I might be somewhat different slash unique from any other human beings. If something is going to happen to one person in millions good or bad, it will be me. What a self centered thought it was! To my disbelief, my pregnancy has been like a text book without painful side effects such as morning sickness, overwhelming tiredness, uncontrollable backache and etc
My body followed the pattern that the book predicted each week so it was a bit of shock to me when I found out this inconvenient event meant baby was expected to be delivered 3 weeks early! The following morning when I left for the hospital I had to say I felt slightly grumpy by watching matt getting all excited to have a baby in his arms. Man!

19.07.2009 12:00pm
One hour after the drug was induced I couldn’t sit down as my bum cheeks were,, well, I am sorry for the expression, just about to rip open and this also accompanied period pain in my belly. Matt and I timed it and it came about 20secs 3-minute interval. This went on for about 3hours. At this point, matt was heavily engaged in his new game on his Ipod and I was catching up with Saturday daily telegraph and we even went to canteen to get some lunch. Sunday in hospital was quiet and labour rooms were empty so we were able to check out a birth pool, balls, aroma therapy kit and so on.
For baby to get through the birth channel successfully women’s vagina has to be dilated up to 10cm and this happens when labour is in progress. I have not made up my mind on pain relief although I definitely didn’t want epidural due to the possible risk of permanent damage on spinal cord. My sister went without using any drug and a lot of women all over the world do that too. My thought on this was to find out how bad it can go before I rely on drug as using drugs can affect a baby one way or other. When one of midwives came in and told me she agreed on my birth plan showing I want to do everything naturally although this comment to me for some reason sounded like she was telling me she won’t redeem me from painful situation by giving me any pain relief. Later she came back to us and told us the examination will take place at 7:30pm instead of 4:30pm and also there was a discussion about change of the room for some reason but midwife told us to stay where we are as we might scare other people off. At around 7:00pm midwife announced that I am allowed to go to the birth pool as it was now 7cm dilated and I was somewhat excited by the encouragement came from the midwife and expectation of meeting our baby daughter.
Water was not as warm as I expected it to be but it was nevertheless soothing. Contraction was coming so regularly I did not have time to rest in between and cling on to matthew’s massage. I wanted him to rub my lower back hard enough in the hope that it counterbalanced contraction somehow and he managed to pull it off. Bless him. I would not be in doubt as its result if he told me that his finger prints have disappeared now.
At 8:30pm I was in agony in the pool when I felt finally I want to push. For the whole time my eyes were firmly shut with a grimace on my face but I was conscious enough to recognize it is nearly end of the journey. Matthew was saying he can see something so I put my finger in and I can feel her skin only 1cm away from coming out. I couldn’t believe how happy I felt at that moment. Midwife tilted the lamp towards water and told me to sit front so that she can see. I pushed and pushed. I felt something is just about to rip open if I push it any harder. I was scared then. But next thing I know was that Matthew was telling me to get out of the pool immediately. I heard the word “breech baby”. Feeling mild disappointment I climbed on the bed as soon as quickly before the next contraction wondering what would happen next. Within 5minutes approx 15 people with all different coloured gowns on flooded in the room. One familiar face told me to breathe through the nose when I felt like pushing again. I heard “we don’t have much time….” “otherwise we have to do general anesthetic…” “you have two choices…” After a few spinal block injections the lower part of my body was going numb and my pain became distant memory.

9:06pm Two things I remember
tiny moan from Isobel when she was pulled out of my opened body.
silent tears running through from Matthew’s eyes

Finally we created the first chapter of our family.

This is the view from our bedroom window. As you can see there is well maintained green field along with footpath and benches where one can sit down and relax reading a book or listening to birds. I would say this adds quality to suburban life where you can find your breathing space after hectic work.
However somebody has to spoil this beautiful spot by abandoning supermarket trolley. To be honest, I am afraid to say this is not unusual in England. You can see people who do not have a car to fetch their shopping items push supermarket trolley all the way home for their comfort and then abandon it in public place. What a shame.